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Song of Songs is the romance or love book of the Bible. It has 3 characters:
Beloved: A poor, young woman.
Lover: A man who is a shepherd.
Friends: The Beloved’s friends.
It started with the Beloved expressing her longing for love which she relates to affection and devotion. She is insecure because she thinks she is ugly. She had to work which exposed her to the elements and made her think that she is not attractive.
Yet, she finds this love in her Lover who continuously uplifts her self-esteem as he praises her beauty. Surely, he is captivated by her and wants to be intimate with her.
As the story unfolds, there is a pattern which is repeated twice. However, there are also differences between the two events. To make it simpler and more organized, here are some graphics that describes it. There is also a table below.
With this pattern, two questions arise.
First Question: Does the Song of Songs suggest women are weak and that they find value in how men treat them?
No. It actually teaches women how strong and valuable they are.
Although the Beloved is passionately in love, she withholds because they are not yet married. In fact, she advises her friends to not rush into romance and love.
“...Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires”
- SoS 2:7
We should not go around searching for love and begging people to give it to us. Instead, we go to God. He can fulfill whatever man is found lacking. Thus, SoS teaches everyone, in particular women, to clothe themselves with God’s love.
Moreover, upon witnessing Beloved’s story, her friends realized that it is best for a single woman to protect her heart. She should allow herself to be pursued and courted.
Family and friends can protect her by showing her that she is precious and by reminding her to take care of herself and not just give herself away (bodily, mentally, emotionally, etc).
“If she is a wall,
we will build towers of silver on her.
If she is a door,
we will enclose her with panels of cedar.”
-SoS 8:9
Don’t get me wrong. Taking care of oneself also applies to men and they should also choose whom to court carefully. But, in SoS, this is particularly addressed to women because of how the evil one attacks them - telling them they are unloveable, ugly, and despicable.
Second question: Are men depicted here only looking for sex? Do they only love women because of it?
Just as women feel love in affection and devotion, men feel love in intimacy and sex is a very big part of it.
It is not just about physical closeness but an affirmation that they are desired. In a male brain, this affects them deeply more than women will ever fathom. And SoS portrays this in the whole story.
Sex had some bad stigma attached to it. Yet, God actually created it for good. It is a celebration of a holy union. They are no longer two, separate beings but they are made one by God. It creates a strong bond between the couple.
But the evil one has distorted it to a mere source of pleasure. No strings attached. Only using people to get pleasure. There comes in the sexual objectification of a person.
With objectification of people, some are led to think that love can be bought. However, SoS teaches us that love is priceless. You cannot buy genuine, sincere love.
“But my own vineyard is mine to give;
the thousand shekels are for you,
O Solomon,
and two hundred are for those who
tend its fruit.”
SoS 8:12
With all things taken, SoS is a good reminder to see ourselves as God sees us. We are also reminded of how God created sex for good and we should respect its holiness.
If we just obey God and go by His design of courtship and marriage, we will have much better relationships. We will save ourselves heartaches and tears.
Thank you to Bible Project, Allen G. Parr, and Shaunti Feldhahn for insights!